Below is a comment in response from the welcomed criticism of a good friend (from the comment section).
I've come to realize through correspondence over the past week that "selfish" is the wrong word.
Every woman is unique and in a unique relationship.
My advice would do very little to help a woman who is a virgin, finds it very easy to communicate with her fiance, and looks forward to the journey (whatever that may be ... whether laughing the first night because they JUST can't figure it out or enjoying each other passionately).
On the other hand, many women are afraid of the unknown. Should the woman afraid of the penetration of needles much less the thought of her husband penetrating her remain in her fear? No, this would be an example of a woman who ought to speak with a woman she trusts and respects and visit a doctor to be assured that her body will survive a wedding night.
Is she selfish if she does not go to a doctor ... no, just fearfully ignorant. Not the bliss you described.
2 women, 2 expectations, neither selfish.
Those who are afraid do not need to remain in fear. They can speak frankly with their fiance about their fear and seek reassurance and understanding from him. They can speak to a trusted woman that can disciple them in placing their trust in God and his purpose for marriage and advise them on what to expect. And they can seek out medical advice about their own anatomy whether from a book or a physician.
Like I said [before], in many situations just having sex is not the answer. But there are many underlying fears and expectations that need to be communicated (like Shiloh recommended above, as well) before being married.
Love and communication.
I would still recommend women visit a physician beforehand but from now on my advice would definitely lack the edge of pressure with the risk of labeling a friend "selfish" ... God forbid I harbor a mentality that communicates "If you don't do what I do, then you're wrong."
I have been amazed and humbled by the public and private response to this topic. I now understand that to use such judgmental language as selfish is indeed uncharitable, and I am sorry and apologize to those I offended.